we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
