I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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