Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
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