Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
