$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
