I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
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