I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
