just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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