You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
