You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
