Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
