I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
