New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
