I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
