your thong is hanging out like whoa
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
