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Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
