My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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