if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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