If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
