3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
