I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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