Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
