so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Randomize
