Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
