She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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