Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
