btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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