There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
