I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
