Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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