Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
