I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize