So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
two words: eviction party
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
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