One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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