The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
