It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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