haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
