You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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