Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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