Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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