don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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