ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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