i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I wish i was in the wii world.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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