I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
