nut hugger
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
