You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Randomize
