you're like a bully in the Christmas story
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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