I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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