Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize
