i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
