i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Randomize
