So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
