We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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