i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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