Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
