Can Purell be used as lube?
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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