Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I feel great
I just peed on a car
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
