please come you make the beer taste better
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
