The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
