It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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