this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize