I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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