those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
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