Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
