summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
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