i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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