So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
