im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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