The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
