someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
