I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
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