Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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