I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
