the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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