So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
