you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
The adults are the big ones right?
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
