I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize