a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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