This is not my ceiling
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize