question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Woke up backwards on a recliner
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
