Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Randomize
