my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize