I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
