now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
